Moms mother; dads ... babysit?!

Why is it that almost every time I go out in public lately, and I mention the fact that I have kids, the first question that comes up is: "Oh? Where are they now?"

"Oh, you know, I kind of lost track of them while I was looking up the fat contents for two tablespoons of Nutella in the breakfast aisle at the groceries a couple of hours ago, and then I forgot all about them, but I'm sure they'll turn up eventually."

That should be my response to the next person who asks me that question. If I only dare ...

My actual response is usually the same: they're either a) at home with grandma, or b) at home with their dad.

The first answer receives an approving nod and a smile. The second one is followed by another, and even more infuriating question: "Oh! So Dad's watching them?"

"Watching them?" as in, "Babysitting them?!"

My husband becomes infuriated by people who use the term "watching" when describing Dad's role in his relationship with his kids. We were discussing the topic while having coffee together this morning (here I feel obliged to point out, because I just know someone will wonder: he's on parental leave), and he mentioned how it's not only in real life, but also in the media that there seems to be a general consensus that whenever a dad is alone with his kids, he is in fact babysitting.

"But it's 2013," I pointed out quite pointlessly, "not 1955."

At this moment I would like to say that I in no way blame the men for this viewpoint. All the people who have asked me if my husband was "watching" our kids were women. I have even known women who would not leave their kids alone with their father for anything, because, according to them, "he can't handle it." I feel sorry for those men - their wives must think they're idiots.

Now, as for me, I need time for myself. And I have complete faith in my husband. When our first baby was born, it quickly became obvious to me which of the two of us was more at ease with her: and it wasn't me. For the first week, my husband had to keep reminding me that it was in fact impossible to break the baby into a million pieces, and would I please stop worrying that I would accidentally do so every time I changed her diaper? But as any mom does, I quickly got the hang of it, and became a pro in no time. I believe I did my husband proud.

Anyway, as I was saying, I am one of those radical moms who actually needs time for herself - and doesn't feel guilty about taking it. I have taken an afternoon now and then to go out for a coffee and read a book. I have even (gasp!) left my husband alone with our first child for an entire weekend to spend some time with my brother and his wife in the next city.

We may not like to admit it, but when it comes to dads, time to do your own thing is normal. A beer with the guys, what could be more natural? But when it comes to moms, we need to justify it. "I've been up all night with the baby, I need some rest!" Of course, if it's not for sleep, what good is time alone?

I'm going to say something shocking: my baby has started sleeping full nights a week ago (she's two months old - pause for exclamations of "how unfair is that?!? from other parents), and yes, I still need time for myself. Just because I have children doesn't mean I should feel guilty about taking time to do the things I love, the things that define me. Like right now. Am I writing this while my baby's sleeping? No. My husband is with her. Spending quality father-daughter time with her. Not "watching" her.