I decided some weeks ago to subscribe to a certain women's magazine, one that apparently targets ageing moms with nothing better to do with their free time.
Ok. So it was an impulse purchase. Since I entered my credit card information on their website and pressed the point of no return "purchase" button, however, it has come to my attention that absolutely everything, every article, recipe, etc. is on their website!
They should point that out on their "purchase the darn paper magazine and take your place among those who have absolutely no regard for the environment whatsoever" page.
Anyway. This has nothing whatever to do with this post. Except for an article in said magazine that caught my attention: "How to stop parenting your partner."
Ugh.
An article directed at "Adults who are natural caregivers (aka women)" and yes, it used the word "nagging."
Obviously.
I am so tired of that word. I figured out in the not too distant past when I finally reclaimed my self-esteem (following my recuperation from my twenties) that "nag" is just a word invented by men to shut women up. You see it works like this: men are assertive; women nag.
Not so. I once had a male roommate (in my twenties) who moved in just a few weeks after I had occupied the apartment, who complained to his girlfriend on the phone (I was eavesdropping from the bathroom) that I was messy and had "left my stuff all over the bloody apartment." The stuff he was in fact referring to were the towels I had bought for him and placed in his room to make him feel at home. I never explained to him the gesture, and simply removed the offending articles from his sight. But after that he continuously "nagged" me about my alleged messiness until he moved out a couple of months later.
I also know a woman who is so relaxed and easy-going she wouldn't nag a dog for devouring an entire Marc Jacobs bag (that's just an expression - it didn't actually happen. Not to anyone I know, anyway).
Getting back to the article. One of the ways it suggests to stop the so-called parenting habit, is to "acknowledge your part" in the issues you presumably nag your partner about. "Did you do anything to create the situation?"
I immediately thought back to what happened the other day. My husband had left a very wet diaper on the rocking chair in the baby's room. Just to put this in perspective, the rocking chair is at exactly the same distance from the changing table as the garbage can. I had not noticed it there, and sat on it.
Yeah. Yuk.
Now tell me what part I played in "creating" this absolutely disgusting situation.
To tell the truth, I didn't nag. Some absolutely horrible person with no idea what it's like to sit on a very wet diaper might say I nagged. But even they would be pushing it. I did no such thing. I simply "pointed out." Because, understandably, I couldn't help it.
After placing the diaper in the garbage and wiping the chair, I went downstairs and pointed out to my husband that he had left a very wet diaper on the rocking chair and that I had sat on it.
"Oh, I must be tired lately," is all I got. I raised my hands to the sky and tried not to laugh. I have lived with him for half a dozen years. I know that's all I'm going to get. Can I even change this situation? No. All I can do is watch where I sit from now on.
The woman who wrote the article would probably tell me I handled the situation very well, without nagging. My reaction would fit under her rules no. 2: Be direct, and 3:Talk it out (even better, make it a joke). But is this going to stop me from finding wet diapers on the rocking chair, in the playpen or on the change table? If I know my husband, I already know the answer. No. Absolutely not.
No comments:
Post a Comment