The Seventh Circle of Hell (otherwise known as the doctor's office)

My husband left for Alberta yesterday. Not only did this depress me exceedingly, but this morning I had my daughter's 12th month doctor's appointment and vaccinations to look forward to. It's not the appointments themselves that bother me. It's the wait. The interminable wait.

The first thing I should point out about my baby's doctor is that the woman is perpetually late. About 85% of the times I bring my daughter in for an appointment, this doctor is not even in her office. And so we wait, and wait, and wait, until she decides to show up. No explanation is given of course by the ever hostile, bespectacled, balding receptionist (and yes, I am actually talking about a woman here), who, as you sign in, looks at you over her glasses as though you are nothing more than a piece of dirt that had the audacity to make it's way into the waiting room.

Any parent out there will understand that to wait with a one year old for the doctor is one of life's most painful experiences. Imagine now, that the reason you wait, is not necessarily because the waiting room is full of people. Today, I had only three people before me. Imagine that you are waiting because the doctor is for some unexplained reason incapable of showing up at her office on time. As I waited, silently and slowly coming to a boil, I started to make up my mind that, if this doctor did not show up by 10:30, I was going to leave. I was imagining what I would say to the receptionist.

But did not have need for such mental rehearsals, for it turns out I "only" had to wait 30 minutes after my appointment time to see the woman confidently step out of the lounge and coffee room, not even glancing at the pregnant women and parents of young children who had been sitting on their asses, making feeble attempts to entertain themselves or keep their babies busy. She grabs a file, heads to her office, and calls the first patient. Fifteen minutes later, I am finally granted my turn, my baby is looked over, I am given some advice (resulting  in adding to my level of stress, as it happens), and am promptly shoved out of the office.

I will remind my readers at this point of a previous blog, entitled "Raising a Baby Ievitably Comes With a Certain Amount of Confusion," in which I wrote about strange advice I have received from other parents. One of these concerned the way my baby sits: on her bum, with her legs bent and her heels just by her hips. When one of my friends, after reading this blog, told me that what those parents had told me was indeed true, and that I needed to correct this sitting position, I figured I might as well ask the doctor. And so I did.

I was expecting her to laugh it off and tell me that the world of parenting is full of myths. Instead, she pulled out a chart as she told me in no uncertain terms that for my baby to be sitting in this position is very bad for her legs. She showed me the chart, on which were illustrations of positions babies should never sit or sleep in. These include sitting in the way I describe above, sleeping on her stomach, sleeping curled up in a ball (again on her stomach), and sitting on her knees. Right. Like kids never sit on their knees. All these images represented my baby's usual sitting / sleeping positions. How was I supposed to change every position that has become usual for her?

"So, what happens if my baby sits ... and sleeps in these positions?"

"Her legs will become all croooked. She will have problems with her feet. You will have to put special shoes and leg braces on her. These must be corrected."

I almost wanted to laugh at her doomsday predictions.

"But, how can sleeping on her stomach hurt her legs?"

"It could crush them."

Huh?

"Um, all right. So how do I correct these positions?"

This was followed by an explanation of how I should teach her to sit with her legs in front, tell her no when she sits in the "wrong" positions, check on her before I go to bed and turn her on her back if she is on her stomach. Then I am allowed to go to sleep and forget about it. Well, thank goodness.

"I mean," the doctor said, with a laugh, "you can't just wake up every ten minutes to check on her."

When I got home, I began right away to correct her horribly dangerous sitting positions. I quickly realized that it's not that easy. I found myself constantly moving her legs to the front of her, but she is always moving, and how can she push herself up on her knees when her feet are in front of her? I also realized that, when her legs are in the "correct" position, she is very limited in her ability to reach for a toy. Needless to say, my poor baby found this very frustrating. So did her mother. It became hard to tell which one of us would crack first. I finally decided to compromise and allow her to sit with one leg in front, the other bent to the side. I don't remember seeing that particular illustration on the chart.

I will leave my readers with two questions: How many children out there are sitting in the "wrong" position, without being corrected, simply because no one told the parents anything about it, and consequently they never asked their baby's doctor? And, just how many children are walking with corrective shoes and braces these days?