Funny how he just comes along, one day, and everything changes.
I was getting my hair done tonight, and my hairdresser and I somehow got on the subject of ex-boyfriends. We went over a good part of our respective collections, and worked through a long list of men we'd dated, had a relationship with, or briefly met - and laughed heartily at them all. It was amazing to me how two women who don't even know each-other can find so much to talk and laugh about where men are concerned.
Before I go on, I would just like to say to all single women: He's out there.
I know, I didn't believe in that line myself, until I met him. I was sceptical. And well I might be, after the dozen or so men who had plagued my life.
I do not mean to rant. Far from it. My aim in writing this blog is to make people laugh. So here is a short list of amuzing, hilarious or sometimes incredible things I remember about my exes (or guys with whom I've been on very short dates). All I can say is: thank god that part of my life is over with!
- In my late teens I dated this guy who was very sweet. Somehow they always are in the beginning. His issue was that he was clingy. And needy. And sometimes jealous. Not jealous of other men - jealous of things that would take my attention away from him. I realized this had become an issue when he threw a water bottle (followed by a tantrum) at the TV as I was watching a Simpsons episode at his house. I guess he wanted my attention.
- My first boyfriend's nickname was Fuji. After some wrestler. Enough said.
- I once met a guy through the internet who turned out to be much older than his picture had suggested. As he approached my table at Starbucks where I was waiting for what I expected would be a tolerably cute guy, I thought: "It's not possible." But I was trapped. There was no running away. So I sat through coffee with him, pretending to be interested in what he was saying, all the while forming a plan in my head that would consist of going to the bathroom, staying there a few minutes, wetting my face just enough to make me look ill, and fake a sudden bout of nausea. I never did do this, but I was seriously considering it.
- I met a guy with whom I went on three dates. After that it became absolutely necessary for me to stop seeing him. Especially as, with a strict adherence to the third date rule, he tried to kiss me. Why did I have to put a stop to it, you may ask? He was perfectly amiable, and we got along superbly from the very start. There was only one slight problem: he bore an uncanny resemblance to my brother. So you see, it was impossible for me to keep seeing him. I mean, from the back, he looked exactly like my brother! Now, that's just disturbing.
- My first proposal was from a guy who decided to buy me a ring instead of paying me back the money he owed me for putting him in the hospital. Ok, I'll explain. I didn't actually put him in the hospital. He had an ulcer, we were in China, and he needed some money to get treatment at the hospital for one week. Being a poor art teacher, he couldn't afford it. So I advanced him the 1,500 yuan. Months later, instead of getting my money back, I get a ring. We had talked about marriage, but I had decided I had had enough of China, and wanted to go home. He still insisted on proposing, and I was forced to turn him down, the poor man. It really was sad. But he insisted I keep the ring. I still have it. I'm also short of 1,500 yuan.
I hope, after having read all this, people out there won't think me cold. I really am not. I just like to look at the humourous side of life. With all the crappy dates and relationships we women have to go through, is there any other way to look at it?
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